Noah today

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NOAH TODAY




In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in America and said:


"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over


-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing


along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:


"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will


start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."



Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah


weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!


Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."



"I needed a Building Permit."






"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector


about the need for a sprinkler system."






"My neighbors claim that I've violated the


neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my


back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to


go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."






"Then the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power


lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the


passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them


that the sea would be coming to us, but they would


hear none of it."





"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban


on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I


needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"






"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was


confining wild animals against their will. They


argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and


it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in


a confined space."





"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study


on your proposed flood."





"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the


Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm


supposed to hire for my building crew."





"The Immigration Dept. is checking the


visa status of most of the people who want to work."





"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They


insist I have to hire only Union workers with


Ark-building experience."






"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally


with endangered species."







"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10


years for me to finish this Ark."




"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,


and a rainbow stretched across the sky."






Noah looked up in wonder and asked,


"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"



"No," said the Lord.


" The Government beat me to it."