Office of the President outsourced

[MarineAssist]

Washington, DC -- July 17, 2009

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India ,
will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, NY . Thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other
benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night. "Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson.

"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will
not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.

A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

[E_]

[jpatton]