first time boater

[$parechange]

A hole in the water
Dan Graves
Greensburg Daily News The Greensburg Daily News Thu May 17, 2012, 05:00 PM EDT

Greensburg — Some time ago, after agonizing for many weeks over the decision to buy or not buy a boat, and after looking at various types of floating fiberglass and aluminum, and after looking longingly through the showroom windows of a number of motorcycle dealerships, I bought a boat. Not because it was the thing to do when you live on a lake, or because your wife is putting a fresh coat of wax on her ball bat and taking practice swings every time I mentioned a motorcycle.

Well, okay, so the bat had a lot to do with the decision. Don't try to convince me that any guy facing a woman armed with a Louisville Slugger will stand up and say, "Go ahead. Take your best shot. I'm buying a new bike."

Anyway, the choice was a 90 horsepower Johnson outboard motor with a 16 foot fish and ski vessel attached to it. It was equipped with a foot controlled trolling motor which I never tried because I was having enough trouble trying to control the thing with that big black lump of an engine hanging off the stern.

Also, it came with a Lowrance fish finder that was supposed to show where the fish were hanging out. I decided that if I finally figured out what all those black squiggly lines displayed on the little screen meant I would start dropping depth charges in strategic spots.

No fishing boat is complete without an FM stereo radio with a tape deck and a horn, which it had. The need for a horn on a boat escaped me, but the tape deck sounded like a practical item. I could visualize trolling back into the coves, casting for bass while the speakers blared:

"Movin' down the highway---

"Heavy metal thunder"---

"Born to be wiiild"----

Having made our decision to buy the boat my wife and I arranged to take it out for a test ride before signing the check. That's when the real fun began.

The only trailer I've ever attempted to back was a little short thing filled with trash that, out of frustration, I eventually unhooked and pushed into position by hand.

After numerous attempts to line the thing up on the load/unload ramp I was ready to call the whole deal off.

Other boaters waited patiently and the people in the marina office came out to watch and shout encouragement.

"A little more to the left, Black Beard. No, your other left." Finally, a sympathetic boater volunteered to do it for me if for no other reason than to get us out of the way.

He pulled the trailer, which was setting at a 30 degree to the ramp out and backed it in and I finally got the big black lump with a boat attached to it into the water. Then the real fun began. The engine was making a funny burbling sound that didn't seem right to me and the boat wasn't backing out like it was supposed to.

Again, someone from the marina came to the rescue. "Lower the engine into the water," he yelled. Yeh, okay, I knew that. I just hadn't got around to doing it.

Finally away from all the snickering and jokers we cruised onto the lake and I jammed the throttle forward.

YEEEOOOW. It might have been a small engine by today's standards, but the thing rammed its bow skyward and then planed out to what felt like warp factor 10 in a few seconds. Judy grabbed at handholds and screamed, "What are you doing, you idiot?" In reply I yelled, "Who needs a motorcycle? This thing is cool. Turn on the radio and tune to a hard rock station."

For half an hour we cruised at a modest rate to keep Judy happy and then it was time to face the supreme test. Putting the thing back on the trailer. After a couple of botched attempts to get any closer than six feet to a dock so I could temporarily tie up and retrieve the trailer from its parking place, I thought about my first solo flight.

It isn't until you've lifted off the ground that you realize that you now have to land the thing.

Finally docked with no apparent damage to the boat or dock, once more I went through the agony of trying to back the trailer into position at the ramp. Again, other boaters waited patiently, some shaking their heads and snickering as I put the trailer into a 45 degree angle to the ramp.

Back in the boat and aimed at what I thought was the right spot I yelled at Judy who was standing with her hands clasped in a prayer. "I can't see the trailer."

"Could be that it's underwater" she yelled back.

Nonetheless I took a shot at it and missed. Two shots later I was out of ammo and yelled at her to move out and let the other boaters in. A sympathetic boater ran down, got in the vehicle, pulled the trailer out and proceeded to put it in correctly with instructions to leave the tops of the fenders slightly above water as references to where the boat was to go.

"Don't sweat it, you'll learn" he said. "By the way, don't forget to lift the motor before you pull it out."

"I know that" I muttered. Actually, I didn't, but I thanked him for reminding me and promptly slid up on the trailer like a pro.

After four or five trips on the water it got a little easier than trying to coax a stubborn mule into the barn. As an assist to help in getting the boat in the correct position I rigged three tall driveway marker reflectors on the trailer; one each on the fenders and one directly in line with the bow on the trailer hitch bar. As long as I was between the fender markers and lined up with the bow marker I was in the correct position.

All I had to master was not to punch the boat through the tailgate of the vehicle when I took the final lunge to the bow stop rollers.

As for the trolling motor and the Lowrance fish finding unit, I hadn't really worked much with either. After all, being a first time boat owner requires taking things one step at a time. Besides, the foot controls for the trolling motor looked pretty complex to me and the last thing I wanted to happen was to troll my way into someone's pontoon boat while it was tied to a dock. As for the fish finder, I decided to find my fish the old way. Tie something ugly on the line, toss it into the water, lay back, go to sleep and hope nothing swims by to disturb you.

I'd still rather have had a motorcycle.

[E_]

Good read