Twas 4 nights before CHRISTmas...

[E_]

I started one of these at LC.com and though we are not in competition with them I know some of the members here can not post there (don't get me started on my feelings about that)
...

AnyWAYS.

Here is where it started there (see some of the linked threads)

Originally posted by E_HILLMAN
In honor of other past threads this forum had along the same lines:
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthr ... ?tid=22000
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthr ... ?tid=11129
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=7933
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=5342
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=2320


Lets start our 2011-2012 story.



Twas 4 nights before Christmas and all through the lake
Not a creature was stirring except for..................

Let's start our own here and see how well it does.



I'll start in the next post.

[E_]

Twas 4 days before Christmas and all across the net
Not a creature was stirring cause they were all in bad debt

I started to have sorrow I almost felt regret
tell I saw ole Re3 with her bikini all .........

[re3too]

skinny and tanned.
She's all ready for Christmas
Although she's been banned!

[Lock5]

Banned and Banned again, I say with a smile

A chosen few talking politics, created such bile

While I gaze from a afar, the Squak post his thread.

I must sit in the shadows scratching my head.

[Lock5]

I WIN !!!!!

[E_]

and while I sat there all tired and confused
I noticed a post from $pare that was already twice used.

So I posted the links to the old thread he made
And then went out to the building where my boat this Winter lay.....

[Lock5]

Speaking from the cellar, I really must admit

That the fockers reading my threads caused all this sh!t.

for if they had just looked at the subject, before they began to read

they would have understood, that the subject matter was out of their league.......

[E_]

I wonder and wonder on this Thursday morn
How our dear friend Bubbles is and if last night her yard went untorn

For today is her birfday and I bet last night was grand
I bet you could hear music across the Boyle Co. land.

[Lock5]

Ok mighty Moderator I will stop my Bitchin'

But just for a second because my balls are itchin'

Now back to the task at hand, and shall all be enlightened

I hope E. eats so much that his belt he can not tighten.

[E_]

My belly is big enough
to shout some Ho Ho Ho's

I'm glad ur here
but who pee'd in ur Cheerios...

I'm hopin for snow but the forecast is bleak
Re3 is in the florida sun
Sure hope she puts some sunblock on that ole snowbird BEAK!.

[Lock5]

All of my post above were meant to be funny,

I seem to always forget to place some smiley's hunny......

so for those of you that think I was was coming across a little brash

I will stand up, and bend over, so you can kiss my a$$......

[E_]

that much better you old Christmas troll

it seems you finally put some sugar in your cereal bowl

[katie]

While in my sleep I was a thrashin,
Another place, Lock was a trashin

And E was eating my midnite snack,
To beef up that pouch so he could carry Santa's pack

[$parechange]

Kate is so bad, the words that she had
They sounded very dirty
But when you look
she is so purty
you forget the bad that she had!

[kdfwr911]

Twas three days before Christmas, and all thru the house,
no one was speaking politics, not even Squakmeisters spouse.
The senate is adjorned, and our holidays will be bare,
but Boehner and Reed, they really don't care.

The mod squad was nestled, all snug in their bunkers,
while most of America, still drove their old clunkers.
Here comes RE3 in her Baja, and Spare in his Fountain,
oh look, there's Southfork Walley, careening down the mountain.

When up in Harmon Creek, there arose such a sight
it'll take all of the waterpatrol, to break up this fight.
Away to Jacks Branch, they flew in a flash
to bring law and order, to the poker run bash.

The dam is still leaking, this we all know
because the low water reveals, all the beer cans below.
When what, to our wondering eyes should appear,
but ole Capt Bob, with another case of cold beer.

With a designated driver, that looks a lot like Quickie,
the crowd knew in a flash, it must be St. Nickie
More rapid than eagles, his friends they all came,
Then he whistled and shouted, and called them by name.

Now Waterwings, now Nervous, now Denmark and Pop-O
on Hillman, on KyAl, on Bluebird and Elfino
From the top of the houseboat, or Seventy Six Falls
Now splash away, splash away, splash away all........

[Lock5]

Great Job, 911

[E_]

Twas 2 nights before Christmas and all through Kentucky...
It was 40 degrees and wet even for a ducky

[re3too]

And smart ole RE3 stays south where the weather ain't yucky...
Far, far away from E_HILLMANS endless horse-puckey!

[E_]

Twas Christmas Eve and RE3 was asleep
On the forum ole E did creep

He thought about editing pictures of his blonde friend
But then he thought better as winter will one day end

And possibly on some fateful Spring day the ole Snowbird will be back
but smelling like Ben Gay.

So E kept to the poem and kept his nose clean
And was really hoping that RockinRod would steal this scene

Cause if there was anyone that could get a goats goat
It would be Rod with the things he has wrote.

But as I sit here in my humble home on my couch
with Wally Snuggled next to me
Julie down the line playing a game on her nook like a slouch

One of Avery gifts has been assembled
and another to complete this coming night
I wonder about the trolls that are reading this
on this December night

I wish we could all play so happily together
And maybe some day the tension will get better

For I just wish we could all get along
and that we could all
hit the happy hypothetical bong

So lets end this night with no sighting yet of Santa
and hope that the poem continues
While Re3 drinks her Fanta...

[re3too]

Twas the day before Christmas at the E_HILLMAN house
And the creature most stirring was Poopboy, the louse!

His favorite pasttime involves poating bad slime
About dear RE3 who is simply sublime!

So come Christmas morn and he runs down the stairs
He will find Santa has brought him only coal and gray hairs!

So maybe next year he'll be nice to RE3 dear
And Santa will bring the a$$hole something more than black coal!

[kdfwr911]

Edit or delete if need be, but it's funny I don't care who ya are.

DA NIGHT AFO CRIZZMUS

Wuz da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood,
everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
dat Obama gunna come and brang us our checks.

All of da family, was layin' on da flo',
my sister wif her gurlfriend, my brother wif some ho.
Ashtrays was all full, empty beer cans and all
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, must be da law".

I pulled the sheet off da window and what I'ze could see,
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, made me say, "Lawd look 'a dat!"
Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight big-a$$ rats.

Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got us a black un' tonight.
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who,
On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sheet?

Dat Santy didn't need no chimley, he picked da lock on my do',
an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch..he don did dis befo!"
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun' my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my $h1t.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.
Den, wif my $h1t in his bag, out da windo' he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him, but he snagged my blade too!

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch,
and waz gone in two seconds, da democrat sonofabitch.
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a $h1t!

[E_]

Twas the night before Christmas morning and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring cept for E in da house

The stockings were hung from the front door with care
With hopes of friends and family would soon be there.

The mantle was warm from the warm fire below
from the Auora stove such comforting breese did blow

When out on the law I heard such a clatter
I spring from the laptop to see what was a matter

but it was nothing but a redneck truck
rumbling around gee his life must suck.

Can't wait to see the look on our baby's face
as she spends time with her family
from all over this place.


Night night all hope your Christmas day is wonderful.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

[DMS]

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through my trailer
wernt a thing stiring
cause we was drunk as sailors.

Sharon Gene hung her stockings
from the fake fireplace with care
from the stains on em
we figured they was Novembers pair

Raymond and Latisha
was asleep on the pallet
she said raymond had gas
but we couldnt smell it

Momma put on her moo-moo
I stripped down to my bowers
Thought I might lucky
being as she was snockered

All of a sudden
they was a really loud knock
I thought my Crysler
had fell of its block

I jumped out of bed
to see what could be seen
ran over to the window
tore back the Visqueen

Pumped a shell in my 12 gauge
Sharon called the law
the I heard,"dont shoot its me,
Santy Clause"

"I sure hope I didnt interupt anything
when I landed my sleigh"
"Dont worry Santait would have been over
in a couple of minutes anyway"

He tracked mud on my new shagrug
eat my double stuffed Oreos'
and drank my last Bud

If that wasnt a fine how do you do
he punched up Debby does Dallas
on my pay per view

The reindeer were mangey
and gave my coondogs ticks
then he picked all the Goobers
out of my Chex party mix

The more I thought about it
the madder I got
I had about all I was gonna put up with
Santy or not

I reached down a got a handfull of belly
which shook like Flintstones grape jelly
pulled him out of my chair throwed him back in the sleigh
told that fuzzy faced freeloader to get the hell on his way

He said your gonna regret this
you shouldnt treat me so ruff
beside Im leaving you some pretty neat stuff

He heard me explain
as he flew past my glass
"you better have buster
or Im whooping your a$$"

[Soak-up-the-Sun]

And as she read it aloud,
they was screamin' with laughter.
k-911 found a good one
with all the right slang and black chatter.
It topped off a happy holiday,
like my Wild Turkey American Honey.
It made me forget for a moment
that I now have no money.

Merry Christmas to all and to all nitey night!

[re3too]

We usta have a lot of fun....