LOL, Nov 12, 1999

[E_]

Spooner's post today
http://lakecumberland.com/forum/viewthr ... ?tid=25966
reminded me about a e-mail I started sending out in Nov of 99


______________________________________________________________________________________________
I send a e-mail out about every Nov alon gthe same lines...

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November 12, 1999 IMPORTANT STUFF MAN!!!!! again..........5:18 PMFrom: "E Hillman" <e_hillman.com>View contact detailsTo:

Once again we have some inexperienced people that have come aboard
and don't know any better and some that have been here a while and
have forgot how to survive taking a dump. Please read and study this
it may save your life some day.

PS If you don't forward this to 10,000 people spider monkeys will
take over your home and you will develope life long constapation.
Also a criminal will attack you from your back seat while a pop up
screen pops up on your computer with this really cool program. In
addition to that a young 3 year old kid will die and haunt you since
it was his wish before he die that this gets sent all across the
world 50 times. Enjoy!

Thanks

Hillman

You can Scroll Down Now
--- ehillman@lexmark.com wrote:
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 08:57:58 -0500



Subject: November 12, 1999


"1999 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump" Rated PG

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will
become a pure
pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a
leak at the urinal
or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually
accompanied by a sudden
wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the
hot flash you
receivewhen passing an unseen police car and
speeding. If you release
an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did
not happen. If you
are standing next to the farter at the urinal,
pretend that you did
not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is
uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip
out at a machine
guns pace. This is usually a side effect of
diarrhea or a hangover.
If this should happen do not panic, remain in the
stall until
everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone
the awkwardness
of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the
instant the nose cone
of the poop log hits the water and the poop is
whisked away to an
undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of
air time the poop
has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you
avoid being caught
doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to
the door after
you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it
is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is
d@mn proud of it.
You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper
enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.
Always look around the
office for the Out of the Closet pooper before
entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together
to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you
to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET
POOPERS and identify
SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the
building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of
the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a
pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you
are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of
the most shocking
and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking
a dump at work. If
this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD
BURGLAR leaves. This
way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new
entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used
to cover-up a
WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.
Very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
potential TURD
BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will
remove all doubt
that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE,
leave the
bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in
peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when
hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If
you feel a
WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a
series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
escapee. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger
around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on
the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax
while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to drop your
load when the
bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the
other bathroom
attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom
before pooping. Walk
in, check for other poopers. If there are others in
the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become
a FREQUENT FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into
the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more a$$ than a
Greyhound Bus.
Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes,
piss stains and $h1t
streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try
finding out when the
janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't
forget, a CRACK WHORE
can become a SAFEHAVEN.





QUICKIES

More scribbles found in restrooms:

No wonder you always go home alone.
---Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed
Debevic's, Beverly Hills,
CA

[re3too]

I wondered iffin ya saw that! At first I thougvht you had posted it!