Ways of looking at things

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DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
(Or the uncertainty of the English language)

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and family values.
Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we
got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad,
where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it
from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the
Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce
you man and wife.'
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell
me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'O K . Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder
of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse
appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd
never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.
......................................................................

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly
said, 'Well, looks like she's there.'