I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
~ ~ ~
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
~ ~ ~
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
~ ~ ~
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
~ ~ ~
Question - Are there too many immigrants in the United States?
17% said yes;
5 % said No;
28% said "I am not understanding the question please."
29% said "?no speaka engrish?"
37% said "No habla"
~ ~ ~
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says "A computer".
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says "At my house we don't need nothin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "no I'm sure. When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying, "Well, that's the last damned thing we need."
~ ~ ~
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
~ ~ ~
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
~ ~ ~
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
~ ~ ~
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for anything. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
~ ~ ~
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
Major insensitivity....
Moderators: E_, LC addict, FasterThanYou, crwky
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Nervous Wreck
- MASTER MEMBER
- Posts: 1421
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:50 am
- Marina/Ramp: old Alli-1
- Location: Enon,Oh.
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E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
My favoriteNervous Wreck wrote:Question - Are there too many immigrants in the United States?
17% said yes;
5 % said No;
28% said "I am not understanding the question please."
29% said "?no speaka engrish?"
37% said "No habla"
.
Buy American, the job you save just might be your own.
-
E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
PS
http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... =43&t=4511
http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... 30&p=33599
and http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... =43&t=4653
http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... =43&t=4511
http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... 30&p=33599
and http://lakecumberlandboaters.com/forum/ ... =43&t=4653
Buy American, the job you save just might be your own.
-
Nervous Wreck
- MASTER MEMBER
- Posts: 1421
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:50 am
- Marina/Ramp: old Alli-1
- Location: Enon,Oh.
Re: Major insensitivity....
Dang 'E', those were a month or two ago! What do you expect?
-
E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
Now you see how poor ole Spare feels. lol
Buy American, the job you save just might be your own.
-
Nervous Wreck
- MASTER MEMBER
- Posts: 1421
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:50 am
- Marina/Ramp: old Alli-1
- Location: Enon,Oh.
-
E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
Nervous Wreck wrote:I see 'someone' is wanting to compete with me and $pare!
hint:
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=5124
Yeah, guess I'm gonna hafta start reading every d@mn post on here or else E's gonna think I'm senile like you and Spare.
-
E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
Yeah...he told me the other day "Oh, no! Not another one!" And I'm tellin' the truf!kdfwr911 wrote:Nervous Wreck wrote:I see 'someone' is wanting to compete with me and $pare!
hint:
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=5124
Yeah, guess I'm gonna hafta start reading every d@mn post on here or else E's gonna think I'm senile like you and Spare.
"The language of friendship is not words but meaning." (Henry David Thoreau)
-
E_
- Site Admin
- Posts: 14826
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:26 pm
- Marina/Ramp: Currently mostly out of Jamestown but spend a lot of time at the other Marinas.
Pre2012-Conley Bottom Mostly, Waitsboro, Alligator I&II ramps, Leesford, Pulaski County Park (when it has water), Grider, State Dock (via boat), and Jamestown are a few places you might find me. - Location: Kentucky (Lake Cumberland)
- Contact:
Re: Major insensitivity....
Aint it time for your Metamucil or something?re3too wrote:Yeah...he told me the other day "Oh, no! Not another one!" And I'm tellin' the truf!kdfwr911 wrote:Nervous Wreck wrote:I see 'someone' is wanting to compete with me and $pare!
hint:
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=5124
Yeah, guess I'm gonna hafta start reading every d@mn post on here or else E's gonna think I'm senile like you and Spare.
Re: Major insensitivity....
Trust me! NO!kdfwr911 wrote:Aint it time for your Metamucil or something?re3too wrote:Yeah...he told me the other day "Oh, no! Not another one!" And I'm tellin' the truf!kdfwr911 wrote:Nervous Wreck wrote:I see 'someone' is wanting to compete with me and $pare!
hint:
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=5124
Yeah, guess I'm gonna hafta start reading every d@mn post on here or else E's gonna think I'm senile like you and Spare.
"The language of friendship is not words but meaning." (Henry David Thoreau)
-
Nervous Wreck
- MASTER MEMBER
- Posts: 1421
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:50 am
- Marina/Ramp: old Alli-1
- Location: Enon,Oh.
Re: Major insensitivity....
kdfwr911 wrote:Aint it time for your Metamucil or something?re3too wrote:Yeah...he told me the other day "Oh, no! Not another one!" And I'm tellin' the truf!kdfwr911 wrote:Nervous Wreck wrote:I see 'someone' is wanting to compete with me and $pare!
hint:
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=5124
Yeah, guess I'm gonna hafta start reading every d@mn post on here or else E's gonna think I'm senile like you and Spare.