Getting old

[$parechange]

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in
Scottsdale , doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
'Who drives you to the beach?'
**********************************************************
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home in Phoenix reminiscing. The first
lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions
used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and
demonstrated the size of two big onions she could
buy for a penny a piece..
The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word
you're saying, but I remember the guy you're
talking about.
**********************************************************
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in
The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult community.
A man walked over and sits down on the other
end of the bench. After a few moments, the
woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years?'
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
**********************************************************
Two elderly people living in Apache Junction,
he was a widower and she a widow, had known
each other for a number of years. One evening
there was a community supper in the big arena
in the Clubhouse.
The two were at the same table, across from one
another. As the meal went on, he took a few
admiring glances at her and finally gathered the
courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,'
she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes'
or did she say 'no'?'
He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just
could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With
trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her..
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well
as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening
past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired,
'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say
'Yes' or did you say 'No'?'
He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes,
yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she
continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because
I couldn't remember who had asked me.'
**********************************************************
A man was telling his neighbor in Mesa , 'I just bought
a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
**********************************************************
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper',
an ice cream parlor in Gilbert , and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids
***********************************************

[re3too]

Guess these are appropriate for an ole fartress like you!