Santa might have had a adult beverage tonight

[$parechange]

If Santa answered his mail honestly...

Dear Santa
I wood like a cool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog,
a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set
you up with a Barbie.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
bottle of scotch.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you bus! y making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Miami , where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a Blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging $h1t may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your a$$ whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a
house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside
your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

[re3too]

Either that or Santa is Maxine!